Unlocking the big sister authority: the power of observations

Are you parents of more than one child, or did you grow up with siblings? Have you ever played the role of the bossy older sibling—or found yourself at the receiving end of their authority?

Big sister guiding little sister on a sunny day

The Subtle Power of Sibling Relationships

Sibling relationships are a unique mix of love, rivalry, and power dynamics. Beyond the occasional squabbles, they offer invaluable opportunities for children to develop language skills, practical life abilities, and social-emotional well-being. While learning, help, and care often flow reciprocally between siblings, it is typically the older sibling who takes on an authoritative role, regulating the younger one’s behavior and introducing an intriguing layer of power asymmetry to their interactions.

Research has long explored how parents, as authority figures, ‘maneuver’ children to comply with their expectations—or, in more formal terms, socialize them into preferred behaviors. But sibling interactions remain surprisingly understudied, leaving us with many unanswered questions about how older siblings navigate their unique position of power within the family hierarchy. Moreover, existing sibling studies often rely on quantitative research methods, reducing the richness of sibling dynamics to statistics and variables, which can obscure the fascinating intricacies of how siblings actually communicate and negotiate authority.

But don’t worry—enter this study! By adopting a micro-analytic, talk-in-interaction approach, it zooms in on the fine details of sibling interactions to reveal how an older sister artfully asserts her reign.

Unpacking the Sibling Dynamics: Observing a Dyad in Action

The interactions you are about to explore come from a 24-hour corpus of video-recorded mealtime, playtime, and bedtime interactions involving a sibling dyad: a 2-year-old named Nini and a 5-year-old named Changchang (referred to as “Ni” and “Cha” hereafter). These interactions take place within the context of a Chinese family, where the one-child policy was lifted relatively recently. Their caregivers—including parents and an aunt—occasionally participate, adding layers of interactional complexity. Using a conversation analytic approach, this study examines these interactions line by line, uncovering an intriguing interactional pattern: Ni exhibits varying levels of compliance with Cha’s directives when the latter adopts a more caregiver-like role.

Now, step into the role of an observer with me as we delve into how Cha, sometimes in alignment with her parents and other times acting independently, uses directive language to enact authority. I will guide you through Cha’s strategies, starting with her use of directive speech acts and how she asserts authority through them, before examining Ni’s responses. To give you a glimpse, three types of directives emerge as key to Cha’s authoritative stance: (1) quoting a parental directive, (2) building on a parental directive, and (3) talking like a parent. These strategies reflect a gradual shift from relying on her parents’ authority to developing her own autonomy as an older sibling, showcasing how she crafts increasingly independent authoritative speech acts.

A Few Quick Notes to Start Off

• Conversation analysis involves a variety of annotations, which can be daunting. Below are explanations of the transcription notations commonly used in the extracts you’ll encounter. But don’t let them overwhelm you or take away from the joy of reading this blog—links to videos of the original interactions are also provided, and they’re more than enough to guide us!

• For each extract of interactions, the literal transcript is in the left column, while the corresponding analysis appears in the right column.

• Color code: The utterances through which Cha, the older sister, exerts authority are framed in green, with the corresponding analysis highlighted green.

  

  
  

  Inside the Big Sister’s Playbook

  Quoting a Parental Directive (link to video)

  Let’s begin with a case where Cha establishes her authority by quoting a verbal directive previously issued by Mom. Prior to the segment below, Dad has been playing a rock-paper-scissors game against Cha as Ni’s representative. According to the agreement made by the triad earlier (not shown in transcript), the winner’s preferred storybook will be read by Dad. As the segment begins, Dad announces the final game result to Ni by saying, "We lost" (line 01).

  

  In sum, Cha’s authority is enacted in three ways when she quotes Mom’s directive. First, and most evidently, she demonstrates explicit alignment with Mom by attributing the directive to her. Second, she emphasizes the rule-based nature of her directive by vocalizing Ni’s obligation to comply. Third, she implicitly aligns with both parents through nonverbal conduct. Ni accepts Cha’s authority by softening her verbal and embodied non-compliance, displaying incipient compliance, and ultimately achieving full compliance.

  
  

  Building on a Parental Directive (link to video)

  In addition to quoting a parental directive, Cha also asserts her authority as an older sibling by building on a parent’s directive, as will be shown shortly. Prior to the extract, both Cha and Ni express their wish to have their book read by Mom first, and Mom suggests they play a game of rock-paper-scissors to determine whose book will be prioritized. As the extract begins, Cha and Mom announce the game’s result simultaneously (lines 01-02).

  

  To sum up, this extract demonstrates that Cha exerts authority as an older sibling in two key ways. First and foremost, she builds her directive on Mom’s, thereby extending her participation in a context where Mom regulates Ni’s behavior as an authoritative parental figure. Second, she aligns with Mom when the latter enforces Ni’s compliance by ignoring her repeated appeals. In doing so, Cha establishes a cross-generational alignment with Mom, thereby assuming an authoritative position as an older sibling.

  
  

  Talking Like a Parent (link to video 1) (link to video 2)

  In the prior two cases, we observe how Cha exercises authority in a parental manner by quoting and building on Mom’s directives. In both cases, she relies on the parental directive and assumes an authoritative position by “collaborating” with her parents, albeit “building on” the parental directive requires more individual effort and demonstrates a higher level of independence than simply “quoting” it.

  
  

  In this final section, however, we examine two instances where Cha independently enacts her big-sister authority by talking like a parent without drawing on parental authority. Specifically, she employs two strategies: (1) emphasizing the age difference to self-categorize as an adult, and (2) expressing safety-based concerns to adopt a parental role. Let’s begin this section by examining how Cha talks like a parent by categorizing herself as an adult. Prior to the segment below, Cha is seated on a yoga mat with a toy makeup kit and some hair accessories, attempting to braid a ponytail. As the segment begins, Ni approaches and stands opposite Cha, asking if Cha can apply the toy lipstick to her lips (line 01), just as Cha did to herself shortly before she began braiding her hair (not shown).

  

  In a nutshell, this extract illustrates how Cha talks like a parent by leveraging the age difference between herself and Ni to position herself as a grown-up, in contrast to Ni as a child. In doing so, Cha establishes an authoritative stance by invoking an adult-child contrast often used by parents to enact authority and facilitate children to behave in a certain way. It is intriguing to consider that Cha may have learned this directive speech act from her parents. For instance, her parents might have directed her to drink plain water when she craved Coke, saying something like, “You’re still a child, so you can’t have Coke or alcoholic beverages—only when you grow up!”

  
  

  Aside from invoking the adult-child membership categorization that entitles her to exclusive access to the toy, Cha also asserts authority by taking on the parental responsibility of ensuring Ni’s safety. Prior to the excerpt below, Aunt had been playing as Cha’s representative against Ni in a rock-paper-scissors game to decide who would get to pick from the two boxes of blocks first. The box with blue and green blocks visibly contains more blocks than the one with red and yellow blocks. Ni defeats Aunt and becomes the winner (not shown).

  

  In this interaction, Cha’s directive speech act consists of three parts: (1) explaining the safety concern behind her rejection, (2) offering an alternative for Ni, and (3) hyping up how great the alternative is to win Ni over. Unlike the previous three cases, Ni’s compliance this time is instant and unmitigated, likely due to Cha’s approach of framing her reasoning around Ni’s perspective—even if her logic is somewhat dubious. Mom’s playful repetition of Cha’s account, “get injured,” in an amused tone (line 07), subtly underscores the questionable validity of Cha’s claim. After all, it’s hard to imagine how playing with more blocks could actually injure Ni—though she might be the only one convinced by this reasoning!

  
  

  This example also underscores how Cha skillfully blends authority with persuasion. She takes on the responsibility of ensuring her younger sister’s safety, a hallmark of parental authority. Meanwhile, by presenting Ni with what she claims is a more attractive option—though perhaps as a clever ploy to keep the box with more blocks for herself—Cha creates a generous big-sister image, which symbolizes a higher authority figure. This dual approach not only makes Ni’s compliance feel more like a choice than an imposition, but also reinforces Cha’s position as both a caregiver and a figure of higher status within their sibling hierarchy.

  
  

  Wrapping Up: The Big Takeaways and Why They Matter

  From a talk-in-interaction perspective, we have observed how Cha exercises authority over her younger sister, Ni, through three distinct types of authority enactment. These interactions demonstrate a gradual shift from Cha’s reliance on parental directives to her growing autonomy as both a child and an older sibling:

  1. Quoting Parental Directives: Cha directly invokes Mom’s authority to guide Ni’s behavior (“Nini, if you lose, then you lose. You have to acknowledge the fact.”).

  2. Building on Parental Directives: She aligns with Mom’s regulation of Ni’s actions by adding her own directive within the same context (“Sit inside your bag.”).

     By quoting and building on parental authority, Cha establishes her position through a cross-generational alignment with her parents, deriving her power from their established authority.

  3. Talking Like a Parent: Cha independently adopts a parental role, either overtly by positioning herself as an adult (“Only I can use it. I’m a grown-up.”) or covertly by expressing concern for Ni’s safety (“I’m afraid you’ll get injured.”).

     By spontaneously talking like a parent, Cha establishes her own version of older-sibling authority, demonstrating her agency in climbing to a higher rung on the authority ladder.

  
  

  For academia: These findings contribute to the growing body of research on family interactions, offering a unique perspective on sibling dynamics within a Chinese context. Through Conversation Analysis, this study emphasizes the importance of considering situated meanings when interpreting sibling relationships. By complementing experimental paradigms and quantitative findings in developmental psychology, it provides a richer understanding of how authority and identity are constructed in everyday family life.

  
  

  For parents: This micro-level examination encourages parents of multiple children to keenly observe sibling interactions more closely, moving beyond assumptions. It sheds light on how children navigate and negotiate authority and identity through daily routines, offering valuable insights into the intriguing dynamics of family interactions and inviting us to recognize siblings as active contributors to socialization within the family.

  
  

  As we wrap up, here’s a final thought to ponder: What might we discover if we approached everyday family interactions with the same curiosity and attention to detail as we did with Cha and Ni’s sibling dynamics? Perhaps the most profound lessons about authority, identity, and care are not confined to experimental designs or academic theories but unfold in the everyday moments that define family life—at the dinner table, during playtime, or amidst the chaos of a shared disagreement. These ordinary interactions, rich with meaning, prompt us to see family as a living classroom where relationships are shaped, negotiated, and nurtured.

  
  

  Caveats

  Despite the theoretical and practical implications, the findings of this study have the limitations of providing what is possible, instead of generalizable, to other settings. There are three future directions worth considering to actualize a more holistic picture of sibling relationships, specifically, how children enact authority over their younger siblings.

  1. First, future research could examine sibling dyads across a broader range of ages.

  2. Second, while this study focuses on interactions within a same-sex sibling pair, future studies could explore mixed-gender sibling dyads.

  3. Third, longitudinal research on sibling interactions would be valuable, as sibling relationships tend to become less hierarchical and more egalitarian during middle childhood.

  
  

  P.S. 

  • Curious to experience qualitative conversation analysis and explore the analytical process in more detail? Check out the full manuscript (currently under review for publication) for deeper insights!

  • Fun observation—have you noticed? In all the extracts presented in this blog, this family uses the rock-paper-scissors game to ensure fairness and impartiality between the two girls.